Caregiving

There’s plenty you can do to help them live their best life. By Kim Painter. Published February 12, 2024. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/health/info-2024/diabetes-caregiver.html 

My husband died a week before Christmas, and I don't know how to cope with it. It seems to get harder everyday. We were married for 40 years, it hurts so much what do I do

Two Beautiful Moving Eulogies1) Cher movingly eulogizes her ex-husband, who tragically died in a skiing accident.You can find it on You Tube, by searching this title:  "CNN-SONNY BONO FUNERAL-1/9/98-CHER EULOGY"++++2) Kevin Costner eulogizes his co-star and close friend, Whitney HoustonYou can find it on You Tube, by searching this title:  "Kevin Costner Whitney Houston's Funeral You'll Be Good Enough"Beautiful and moving.  They met while making the movie.  Both preacher's kids, they shared stories and became close friends. 

Hi, I'm new here and did a little searching and couldn't find anything directly relevant. Just a few articles and comments about how expensive it is to be a caregiver. Sorry if this is too long or in the wrong place. My mother, who lives at home alone in another city in the same state, is starting cancer treatment. She might be able to get some caregiving through Medicare or long-term care disability insurance but not both at the same time. She does NOT qualify for Medicaid and is NOT a Veteran. She may have applied to a state agency, I don't know. She's very overwhelmed and fearful, but also resistant to help while clearly needing it and is not transparent with her finances. However, she very quickly will probably need 24-hour care, maybe semi-skilled nursing, including a petsitter, and possibly hospitalization. Neighbors and  family members not very nearby might provide some help, but it likely won't be enough. I heard years ago there was a program that would reim

FROM THE ARTICLE - READ ARTICLE FOR MORE. Nearly 1 in 10 Americans aged 65 and older are living today with dementia — a disease that has special challenges for family caregivers. Learn about the symptoms, types and early warning signs of dementia and emerging treatments. Get expert advice and tips on the best ways to communicate, establish routines and keep your loved one safe. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/dementia-caregiving-guide/

My husband of 43 years passed away on Christmas morning here in our home. He had heart disease but was recently assured by his doctors at Stanford that he would feel much better after undergoing a valve replacement procedure that was scheduled for Jan. 12th. His death was a real shock to me as I spoke with him only 20 minutes before he passed. I gave him CPR until the paramedics arrived and worked on him for 45 minutes, but he could not be revived. I am doing pretty well during the day, but around 4:30 in the evening I feel very lonely and anxious about my future to the point that I feel shaky inside. This goes on for the next four hours or so. I am sleeping well because I am getting up around 5 or 5:30 every morning. Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop my mind from going out of control?

Can a physician use the MA 51 medical evaluation form in PA to commit to a nursing home when the patient is there short term for rehabilitation?

I am quite confident that a Walk In Tub is best for me. I love the therapeutical Benefits and prefer this however am having trouble choosing between them.

Hi I'm new.  My mother-in-law is in Canada and is starting to need a lot of help.  She is losing her short term memory, and her judgement is impaired.  I'm in the US and trying to get her access to whatever services or other help she can get where she lives in Ontario.  We can't move to Canada because we don't have a way to make a living there, and she can't move here because she would have no access to health care.  Has anyone here had any sort of similar experience, and if so, could you provide some helpful advice or links to resources?  Thanks

I think The Final Goodbye is the hardest, and most challenging part of an impending passing. I realized I was stuffing this inside of me. That I wasn't there at the exact time of death. A half hour late. I was wondering how others are dealing with their Final Goodbyes.  

Volunteering, like joining a grief support group, is an important question and ultimately a personal decision.  A lot depends on whether you are ready to become a volunteer and what you are interested in doing.  Try something you would enjoy and see if it works.  Recognize your strengths and limitations.  If you are home-bound, there are virtual volunteer activities out there that are rewarding.  See how it goes.  If it works, good.  If not, feel free to see what would be a better fit for you.  Like most things I experienced on this grievance journey, there are no right or wrong answers.  Like the road we are all traveling, there may a need for a course correction to get a better feel for what we want to do with our time and interests.  Good luck to all.  Sue

My mom is 94 and her hearing is getting increasingly worse.  She has signia bluetooth hearing aides and actually adjusts the hearing aides using her cell phone.  She really prefers to use her hard line phone at home.  We bought one from Harris Communications back in 2019.  It is a panasonic KX-TGM420W amplified phone and they said it works with hearing aides.  Her audiologist said no hard line phones work with hearing aides.  The phone seemed to work ok for a while but now we need to get her one that works for her decreased hearing.  She is against those phones that have the captioning and just wants something simple to work.  Has anyone found a phone that works with hearing aides?  To be honest, even I have a hard time understanding the message machine that comes with it.  It is very muffled.  Thanks for any feedback

I highly recommending subscribing to Good News, an online periodical.  Cannot really remember subscribing, but there it was one day.  Another random act?  I have many over the last few years, and often from unexpected strangers (perhaps Angels?).  They have made a difference and often helped me see my situation differently and kindlier.  The word “kind” is a gentle word with much in depth meaning.  The article I received today from Good News points out the history of Random Acts of Kindness, its origins in California, and how to sustain the “good” feeling throughout the year.  Ironically, the best thing for me as one grieving my lifelong soulmate has been becoming a comforter, friend, and welcomer.  I gradually evolved into that role, and it helps me see the world from a bigger picture.  Gratitude and generosity make a difference.  I started one tiny step at a time, often anonymously but always feeling better later.  Humility has h

I decided to reach out to my Partner in Loss group in case they have any special interests or needs as we approach this day.  I was primarily thinking of any additional support from the rest of us. Like many of the other previous holidays since my husband died, I have to admit I really don’t remember how or if I celebrated the day of our “engagement.”  This year, I am feeling more aware of the holidays and am now thinking of Valentine’s Day or V-Day as a close friend of mine coined.  It is an interesting way to look at the day. V-Day reminds me more about victory over a war. Perhaps this day is a victory as well.  Victory over the great pain of loss?  Don’t know. I say that knowing that the pain only morphs or softens in some way, but will always be there.  I’d be interested in knowing how you view V-Day and if you want to share any meaning or activity you have planned. If you don’t, that’s ok too.  Have a good weekend.  Your friend, Sue 💕

How to Use Long-Term Care Insurance. Help your loved one file a claim and collect policy benefits. By David Rodeck. Published February 08, 2024. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/financial-legal/info-2024/long-term-care-claims.html 

I ran out of time on my other post, and would like to continue. My Mom is 92 yrs. old and lives alone. She doesn't want to pay alot for in home care, but when it's needed, and she could pay for it, why not? I understand that in home care agencies have a minimum of hours, such as 12 hrs. a week. I find that to be understandable. My Mom is really objecting because of the cost, and she also claims she wouldn't have enough to keep them busy. I doubt that, and just want her to try it. I'm pretty sure that Mom has dementia and the symptoms of her dementia show with an obsession about money. It can be annoying and embarrassing. I've had these difficult conversations with Mom about getting more help, and she starts right away with the guilt tripping comments and telling me that she feels that I'm always balling her out. Then I back off, give it time, observe, try again.... same reaction. It's very difficult to talk to her, I feel like just giving up. But if I give up my Mom will bother our d

When I was caring for my Dad, who lived with Alzheimer’s for more than a dozen years, I was willing to try almost anything that might help him be more comfortable, ease his anxieties and fears and make it easier to care for him. I explored a variety of complementary and alternative medicine approaches, some of which he had used in the past and some that were new. Because we did get some helpful results, I’m sharing with you my 10th and final tip in this series:   Try Complementary, Alternative, and Western Medicine Use medications wisely. Ask the doctor about medications that might help with symptoms, such as anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants. A mild anti-anxiety/anti-depressant was helpful for Dad, combined with the complementary and alternative approaches. Some people respond well to sedative medications but be sure to ask about and monitor possible side effects. For some people with dementia, sedating drugs can cause the opposite effect. This was the case f

I have recently been trying to identify purpose and meaning in my new solo life.  That is an interesting way to frame my life – new, solo.  You probably can feel a certain amount of sorrow in those words, and you would be right.  I am starting to read and attend workshops on this important issue for me.  I wanted to share a breakthrough I had the other day.  Rather than reflecting on my current state, I need to circle back to my basic needs and values.  There is a very insightful article from the Center “Transform Within” which in my view lays out a roadmap for enhancing wellbeing and health. I highly recommend that you read the article.  Since I am not tech savvy, I unfortunately don’t know how to tag it for this post. The article is entitled “The 7 Universal Needs: Are You Honouring Yours?”.  It recognizes that “a need is really a life serving motivation”, including connection, meaning, honesty, play, autonomy, peace and physical well-being.&nb

Hi, I'm a caregiver to my 75 year old mother.  She is not at end of life stage, but she has decided she only wants to participate in certain aspects of her life.  Because I recently moved in with her (last August), things she would normally do on her own, she has since decided can mine to worry about now.  She does not bathe regularly enough although she is physically capable of doing so. Recently her car died and we decided it was best for her to not replace it.  There are other family members in town, but she has decided to schedule all of her events and appointments for after i get off work or during my weekends.  I'm mentally and physically exhausted and it's affecting my own mental health.  She also (just this week) gave all of her financial information to a scammer and i've been closing accouts, helping her open new ones, changing passwords and taking her all over town to change account information for various payments (utilities, retirement accounts

I’m a new widow. Just 7 or so weeks. I know 3 widowers- my brother is one. But no one will talk with me. A spouse passing is life changing. Is this something men push down in their soul? Thanks for any answers. 

A recent widower and I chatted during a volunteer effort.  He was surprisingly empathetic and kind as a stranger to me.  Goes to show what I have been experiencing in the last 2 years!  I guess the unexpected can happen.  He made a very astute comment about experiencing the loss of his wife to cancer.  Yes, he went through much of the trauma that I and others went through.  The aftermath was hard as well and as he shared “it is hard to get equilibrium back.”  Yes, he is right.  Upon reflection, I have been out of balance and part of the struggle has been getting that equilibrium back.  That means different things to different grievers.  I am still exploring that myself.  I know I need quiet time to reflect and ponder my new single identity.  Still struggling with that word.  I also am making a concerted effort to socialize with individuals I can connect with, communicate without judgement leading to trust and strong socia

Good afternoon.  I know that I haven't been posting or responding much lately but,  I have read every email and messages.  I am just in a bad head space right now. The 1st anniversary of my husband's death is the 23rd of this month. My family is at war and falling apart and I have no clue how to pay any of my bills this month. I just want to stop trying but,  I  know I can't because of my kids. I just feel like no one can understand the place that I am in right now. I'm the sole provider of an adult disabled son and I am barely able to take care of myself right now. I ask my daughter and she will help when it is convenient for her or, I have to go to her.  I just feel that's really not fair.  I understand that she has her own life but, I really don't ask her to do much.  Am I wrong for feeling that way? 

See posts below!!!  🔽

She fell asleep.Her breath rattled. We stood around her, taking turns holding her hand, whispering our love to her. We told each other she needs her rest - the cancer and the covid had ravaged her enough.  I gently rubbed baby lotion on her arm. She no longer flaked, but her skin was like dried sheets of very thin vellum. Why would I think of vellum in this way? Her pores seemed to vacuum the lotion from my fingertips - and I gently cooed how I would give Mom a manicure to help her hands. She didn't respond, but I told her anyway. My baby brother stood nearby, watching our mother's face and the way her abdomen rose and fell with each breath - almost like her body was forcing itself to breath. His eyes were cried out, and I knew his heart shattered as Mom's breath rattled yet again. My sister, holding Mom's other hand, reached for our brother and then she froze. And I froze.And baby bro froze.   there is no more rattlethere is no more forced breat

Hi, all, especially Nicole and Marcy, who recently posted about the right support group.  As I was thinking about the success of my grievance group, which I am happy about, I also remember that initially I joined a number of other support groups as well.  They all didn't fit my needs, particularly shortly after my husband died.  In fact, as posted before, I was pretty much in a daze for several months.  I knew I needed support to find some constructive ways to address my grief, but naively thought all support groups or individuals involved with grieving were equally committed. Not so.  My experience is that it is healthy and natural to experiment during this critical grief period.  The word experiment is actually accurate.  Some interactions will be better than hoped for and others will not.  If you run into situations that are not helpful to you and may in fact be disappointing, don't give up.  Realize, like a date, not all interactions res